The Platypus: Nature's mistake or the harbinger of suffering?

The platypus.
This ignoble creature is often regarded as a fluke of nature rivalled only by the likes of axolotls and The Backstreet Boys. It is frequently mocked for its appearance, which lends itself to the belief that it is a dimwitted and generally useless animal.
However, I think that the humble platypus can teach us a very valuable lesson:
Stay far away from the damned things.


"I AM A PLATYPUS."

At first glance, one notices a bizarre otter/beaver/duck hybrid, seemingly incapable of causing any harm.
This couldn't be further from the truth.
Platypi (trust me, I've looked it up) are finely-tuned combat machines, born to hunt and kill unsuspecting prey using electroreception, expert camouflage, and powerful venom.

A male platypus is able to produce 250 different chemicals in its crural gland, with four of them being major toxins. Out of these four, three are unique to the platypus!
This means that they are very capable of hurting you, and they even have their own special venom to do it with.

Wikipedia says: "Although powerful enough to kill smaller animals, the venom is not lethal to humans. However, it produces excruciating pain which may be intense enough to incapacitate the victim. Swelling rapidly develops around the entry wound and gradually spreads outwards. Information obtained from case studies and anecdotal evidence show that the pain develops into a long-lasting hyperalgesia that can persist for months."

Another thing to note is the stealthy manner in which this vicious beast conceals its weapon.
The male platypus has a venomous spur on the inside of each hind limb, and will not hesitate to dig these into you if it feels threatened or frustrated.

Imagine the following scenario:
You're a platypus (don't try to argue), lying blissfully on the bank of a river.
Suddenly a lumbering bipedal giant crashes through the bushes, stares directly at you, and begins to make loud guffawing noises whilst pointing its claw-like finger in your direction.
You're going to feel extremely frustrated.

As you may have gathered by now, the only thing that matches the platypus' odd appearance is its insatiable desire for the pain and anguish of others.
When you combine its powerful venom with the fact that it is nearly invisible in water, you have a creature capable of haunting the nightmares of small children for years to follow.



"I am here to eat your soul."